I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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