I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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