How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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