Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize