I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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