Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
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