Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
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It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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