I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
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Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
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I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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