This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You ate ashes out of my bong
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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