Welp...herpes.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
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But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
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Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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