I think I just saw someone hide a body.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
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My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
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I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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