Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
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she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
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His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Is that strawberry winking at me??
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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