what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize