That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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