and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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