Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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