Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize