Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
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I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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