She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
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Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
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His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
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