like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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