Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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