70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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