What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
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I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
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those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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