"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
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i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
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Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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