i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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