And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize