Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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