it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize