i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
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Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
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I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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