You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
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He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
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there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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