if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
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So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
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If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize