i wish semen tasted like chocolate
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
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Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
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okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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