Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize