I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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