Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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