whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
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America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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