Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
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