I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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