some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
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my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
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He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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