Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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