also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
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I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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