who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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