Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize