she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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