i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Use "feeling words"
Yay
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize