i was born a porn star she said
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
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She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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