For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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