i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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