I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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