WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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